I remember in elementary school, Mother used to write my name on every single pair of my underwear. I guess she did that so none of my classmates would mistake my lunch for theirs.

“My leadership style can be summed up in one word: Follower.”

“My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench o…”

“I need to dig a hole the size of the Grand Canyon to bury all of my problems.”

“I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should b…”