I remember one time some guy put caviar in my omelet, and I had to complain saying, “Excuse me, you idiot, but there are eggs in my omelet.” He didn’t know how to respond, probably because he felt so foolish.


“On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars…”

“I’m winning over fans every day. They’re not my fans, but at least they’re losi…”

“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”

“If you won’t turn your back to face me, then I won’t even bother stabbing you.”