I say we cut our government in half, with a chainsaw along their waists.

“I could never be a chef, because I could ‘t bare the thought of my art always t…”

“At my bachelor party I had Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” play on repeat, while I e…”

“She told me she’d never forget me as long as she lived, and I got offended, bec…”

“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him…”