I speak Spanish like I chew spinach—like it’s dried bubble gum stuck underneath a park bench.

“I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have…”

“She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stag…”

“There were two chairs, but there were three of us. So, being the gentleman I am…”

“There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t.”