I stabbed the intruder with a knife. How else was I supposed to cut him into bite-sized pieces?

“Don’t try blowing smoke up my ass, because you’ll find my anus blocked—by a cig…”

“Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart.”

“I play the only instrument that takes in music rather than propelling it out: t…”

“When I was growing up, I’d walk to school in the snow. In Florida. Uphill all t…”