I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pizza. I wish all my acquaintances were so tasty.

“A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, b…”

“Face to face marketing is like trying to dig a grave with a spoon. Kill it fast…”

“His last name was Morris, but I called him Mars, because it’s like he was from …”

“A blanket could be used as one square on a giant checkerboard.
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