I think someone should invent an edible remote control, to go along with TV dinners.

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you d…”

“I need either a small coffee or a large nap.”

“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest.
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“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair…”