I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.

“If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, gue…”

“A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war…”

“There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do i…”

“After losing my job, I felt the only options available to me were razors, cyani…”