I told the cops I’ve been framed. I told them to just go look in the art gallery.

“I want to name one of my kids “I’ll-Have-A-Large-Cheeseburger.” That way, when …”

“I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.”

“One clown sleeping in a car is not tragic. One clown sleeping with your wife in…”

“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.”