I try to put myself in another man’s shoes. Or a woman’s, if she has large enough feet.

“I’ve got semen stains on my shirt, and spaghetti stains on my underwear. Ah, bu…”

“I think it would be funny to dye somebody’s pool red and then throw dead fish i…”

“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift.…”

“I’ve got to have kids of my own. If not, who’s going to ascend to my throne?”