I walk like a shriveled hippopotamus, I jog like a giraffe with charcoal knees, and I run like never.

“Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the pag…”

“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talk…”

“I want a Snuggle Sandwich—hold the pickle. Make it a combo and upsize it.”

“I’m behind you 100%. In fact, I’m so completely behind you that you can’t even …”