I want to buy “A Touch of Gray,” because I’d look more distinguished with a touch of gray in my hair. Also, geriatrics make better lovers.

“The best part of the word "booboo" is the breast. While the word doesn't suck, …”

“My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.”

“Inappropriate interview question #7: Are you into retirement home butt sex?”

“When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiff…”