I want to get married, but first I’ll have to get a divorce.

“Pants don’t walk without legs in them. Let that be a lesson in love.”

“I brush my teeth with a leg of fried chicken, and gravy is my toothpaste.”

“Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.”

“I second that notion. And if I had 59 more, I’d have a minute.”