I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!

“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to…”

“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few ext…”

“I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last n…”

“A blanket could be used to say hello to a friend I haven’t spoken to in forever…”