I want to move to Hollywood and audition for parts just so I can say, “I’m not an actor. I just play one on TV.

“I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law…”

“Before I grab your ass, I’ll take off my gloves. They’re cutting off circulatio…”

“I left Mermaid’s Bar and Grill about 2:00 am, and fishtailed out of the parking…”

“I’m into extreme sports. Well, just one—cuddling.”