I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools.

“How many supermodels can you fit in a toothpick canister? I don’t know, but I p…”

“I’m 32 years old and I’m tired. It’s because I haven’t drank enough coffee. If …”

“In high school they called me “Pizza Face.” Not because I had bad acne, though …”

“My hair isn’t turning gray, but it is losing its flavor. It used to taste like …”