I want to pour your voice into a goldfish bowl before flushing it down the toilet.

“Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate while wearing boxing gloves? It g…”

“I’m single, like a cheese slice individually wrapped in plastic.”

“I was reminded of my ex girlfriend the other day. It’s amazing that something a…”

“My heartbeat’s so loud it’s like a tap dancer in my chest. No, it’s more like M…”