I want to weigh less, not through diet and exercise, but by acquiring a faulty scale.

“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fis…”

“A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tai…”

“I sat down to think. I didn’t want to drink my coffee, but I paid for it, so I …”

“You might think there is nothing more patriotic than dying for your country, bu…”