I was driving to another girl’s house who’s not my girl, and I saw a red sign by the road that read, “Wrong Way,” and I thought, I agree. So I turned around and went home.

“Without even washing my hands I can tell whether I peed or not.”

“Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving…”

“I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is lar…”

“To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they …”