I wash my hair with strawberry jelly, because my favorite thing to eat for breakfast is lunch. It’s never too late to love someone, but sometimes it is too early.

“It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always ge…”

“If you’re going to do something dumb, do it in a smart way. This is my advice f…”

“She wanted to know if I loved her, so I texted her a picture of a dead bird.”

“The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make th…”