I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect score of 10.

“I have a beard of grass. I grew it on my back, and sometimes my neighbor mows i…”

“Question for your life: If you could change War’s name, do you think you’d chan…”

“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered …”

“My love is useful, and my love is for sale. (Batteries not included).”