I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

“My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.”

“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is peo…”

“It’s 3:32, and I need just one more ingredient to finish baking 3:33. Would you…”

“By day I’m a dishwasher in a suit. By night I’m a dishwasher in pajamas.”