I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car accelerates.

“All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.”

“I went in the dark room. It wasn’t filled with photograph negatives, but it was…”

“My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she’d never speak to me again, an…”

“Would you mind washing my feet? I’m a centipede, so it may take you a century.”