I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.

“If love looked like a deer, smelled like a deer, and ran like a deer, then I wo…”

“I’m hungry for success. And lasagna.”

“I met a man with no forehead and receding eyebrows. He had ketchup crusted on h…”

“A crime scene is a silent witness that speaks louder and clearer than any human…”