I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time with my two mistresses.

“I found Waldo. He was in a strip club. He was hard to spot, because he’d alread…”

“If my penis gets enough water, could my erection grow long and straight like a …”

“My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.”

“The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in…”