I wish somebody would have told my grandpa about the Cold War, so he could have at least put on a jacket.

“I don’t want to ever see her again, because I want to always remember her as sh…”

“When the dust is settled, I’ll be there, wearing a maid’s outfit.”

“When I write I am an avocado, and in a team sport setting, I am guacamole. And …”

“Love is yesterday’s tomorrow, minus the frozen musical notes, soggy teabags, an…”