I wish there were a vending machine that served cats. Not to eat, but to pet during my work break.

“To avoid booby traps, stay away from bras.”

“Do you know a man better than me?” I asked her. “Yes,” she replied. “Great,” I …”

“I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. B…”

“I keep odd hours. I keep them stuffed under my mattress.”