I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.

“It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter even…”

“Would a suit of armor make women feel as invincible as a sexy pair of shoes?”

“It’s like my grandpa always used to say, ‘A butter knife would make a deadlier …”

“I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the ba…”