I would answer the door for the pizza delivery guy wearing my birthday suit, but it had cake all over it so I sent it to be dry cleaned.

“This is for the sneeze I lost. I won’t drink to your memory, but I will snort s…”

“A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, …”

“When someone I admire turns out to be a rather normal guy, I get offended becau…”

“I’ve only been with my girlfriend for three days, but it feels like a lifetime—…”