I would be an organ donor, but I’d much rather donate a piano.

“On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try …”

“I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out…”

“As she stood in the corner, I thought her elbow was her nipple. That’s just the…”

“I’d make a great color commentator. Turquoise.”