I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably.

“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn…”

“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more lik…”

“I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotio…”

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”