I would wash my clothes in the aquarium, but there’s a shark in the tank, and a bloodstain on my shirt.

“I want to be a man of letters. All 26 of them.”

“My asshole is supportive of me. No matter what, good or bad, it’s always right …”

“Mow the carpet, vacuum the lawn, and make love like war.”

“When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the …”