I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips.

“I don’t run errands. Usually I jog.”

“These times are hard, and so is my penis.”

“A blanket could be used to sell two-legged tables to one-legged men. This very …”

“I’m quoting my clone, because he quoted me thinking if I said it, he said it. H…”