I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.

“I had nothing to eat for desert, so I ate a tube of toothpaste. The coolest par…”

“The mobster came by my establishment and said I needed protection. “Nope,” I re…”

“I decided not to charge you with murder, because that would require me filling …”

“I inherited a pound from my British uncle. I’d have rather gotten a dollar, bec…”