I’d like to tweeze all the Tuesdays of the year, and all the Mondays off my chest.

“If I asked God to see into the future 50 years, and I couldn’t see myself, I wo…”

“My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.”

“A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to …”

“If I were to be elected World Leader someday, I’d wear an outfit made of Band-A…”