I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a mindfuck!

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offe…”

“A triangle has three points, just like the number of horns my ex had (she was 5…”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds…”

“I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough …”