I’d prefer going on a date with 10 women at once. Not only might I get a bulk discount at the restaurant, but it’s like a group interview. I think the ladies would appreciate my efficiency. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in …”

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so …”

“I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my c…”

“Despite being tired, I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes having a functioning penis can…”