If footballs were the size of acorns, they’d be easy to lose in the forest. Virginity is also easy to lose in the forest, and mine, believe it or not, was shaped like an acorn.

“Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as muc…”

“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my e…”

“The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.”

“Thor once took an IQ test, and he was scoring so high that the referees took aw…”