If green carpet grew on trees instead of leaves, I’d pick off a few cats—with my rifle.

“What is the greatest mystery of the universe? The answer is brick. Or is it bla…”

“I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I nee…”

“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and…”

“Does my face not look hungry? My mouth is the path and mouthpiece to my stomach…”