If I had a wooden leg I could sit on three-legged chairs no problem.

“A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-…”

“My job is a walk in the park. I pick up dog poop for a living.”

“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so…”

“We had sex by the fireplace. I remember because my waxy nipples started drippin…”