If I had an orange penis, and an erection, I might take offense at carrot eaters. Baby carrots.

“My name is Two Dogs Wink While Chewing. It’s not an Indian name, nor one that r…”

“When I look in the mirror, I see not only the person I am, but the person I cou…”

“Sometimes when I read before bed I get so tired that my eyes gloss over the sen…”

“I took some naked pictures the other day. I don’t feel shamed, but I do feel re…”