If I had chlorophyll instead of blood, I’d have ivy in my IV (not Roman numeral four).

“I went out on a limb, because that’s where the noose was.”

“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help…”

“I saw two lizards kissing yesterday, but I scared them off. Maybe I should have…”

“My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands.”