If I were a hairy man, I’d never pat myself on the back, because with all that fur, a pat would turn into a pet.

“To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and h…”

“Reverse psychology, I do it in front of the mirror.”

“A date is a place, a destination. March 5th, 1982 is the ideal tourist trap.”

“If you asked me if I’d rather make love to you, or have my balls cut out with t…”