If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "Why thank you. I think I will!

“A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and…”

“The old me is younger than the me now. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I retired at the age of 25, and it wasn’t until a few days later that I realize…”

“The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.”