If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in the stands. I’ll give them all one watch, because we all share time, so they can share the watch.

“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?”

“Writing all day every day is good, but it’s not good enough. You need to have y…”

“What’s with the zombie craze? Zombies are half alive, half dead, right? Sounds …”

“At the bar, I asked her what she’d like to drink, hoping she’d reply, “Your sem…”