If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot more people trying to take pictures of them.

“I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead.”

“What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.”

“Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank…”