If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.

“If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "W…”

“We’re not so different, you and I. Sure, we may have different religious belief…”

“I used to think I knew what love was, but here recently it has been revealed to…”

“Based solely on the mustache, who would you rather be: Mark Twain, Rollie Finge…”