If my name were Mark Twain, I’d write under the pseudonym “Samuel Clemens.

“I did something so stupid last night that I can’t even speak about it today. I …”

“I oft go to a loft aloft in the sky. I go alone, because I enjoy the company of…”

“99% of the population is afraid of public speaking, and of the remaining 1%, 99…”

“It’s important that my socks match. I don’t want anything that distracts from m…”