If my nipples were restart buttons, I’d let you play with my buttocks.

“I call my thumb Napoleon, because I rarely ever lose a thumb war. Also because …”

“A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and sin…”

“My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she’d never speak to me again, an…”

“The Bronze Age was such a third-place era.”