If my voice sounded like a dial tone, people would probably hang up on me all the time.

“In the 48 hours following my discovery of her infidelity, I found out she’d bee…”

“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate h…”

“I want my words to illuminate like the sun, as I give my daily lecture on photo…”

“I didn’t work security at the dodge ball factory, but I was a bouncer.”